Writing about Nothing , yet about Everthing

Today is an off day, could be the overeating hangover I have, or that my belly grew 5 times its size and my back hurts, or the headache that has torment me the last couple weeks, seems to be winning.  

I asked myself, "Why am I writing the blog?" Was it because my husband has been asking me to write it, as he thinks its good for me?  Or am I trying to be the next best selling author? My English teachers who
flunked me every year would get a hearty chuckle out that statement. The proper structure of a sentence and correct punctuation is a mystery to me. My impression of learning the "rules" was as if I was trying to cypher an ancient text whos key was long lost.  

Or was it simply that writing was something I wanted finally learn to do somewhat correctly. All my life I have been an avid reader, instinctually, I can judge who is a great author and who wrote crap. My mind when a though forms it is usually a mental image. The struggle for me is to match words to those pictures. Emotions are easier to put words to, but the reason behind why myself or others would react differently, I find very intriguing. 

I enjoy abstract concepts, the "what if" possibilities, the seen and the unseen and deep analysis on what makes people do the things they do, is very fascinating to me. My favorite pass time is to simple observe, listen and ponder the whys. I am always interested in someone's story, I will ask questions about their past, their life today and what they would like their future to be. I have found that random strangers on a plane are more frank, open and sincere, than someone I know casually.  We tend to hid our real thoughts from people who know us., so we will not feel judged or not fit in. Getting older does have its advantages, we start to not care what people might think, or worry about rejection, we just become comfortable with who we are. 

To answer my own question, I am writing to learn to express my thoughts, record memories and to write about life. 

65th Thanksgiving

My first Thanksgiving was when I was 11 months old, I have no memory of it and had no teeth to enjoy it. 

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. When I try to think back to understand why this day is significant for me, my memories are like a fussy black and white silent film. I see glimpses of snatching olives off our bar counter and placing them on my fingers, my mother cooking and trying to keep us kids from snatching the olives, grandparents, cousins and siblings eagerly waiting for the meal to be served. After dinner, my father, my grandfathers, and uncles would go for walk. My mother, aunts and grandmothers would cleaned up the kitchen before desert was served. I asked my mother why they got to go for a walk and "we" had to stay and clean up, she smiled and whispered they need to go outside and "pass gas!", as a young girl I was taught that women never "passed gas", yet my father and brothers would laugh and be proud of whos was the loudest or smelliest. I did figure out that us girls can outdo them in that department! 

Nope, I don't think that is why I love Thanksgiving.  Once I left home, I do not have memories of making a Thanksgiving dinner or going back to my parents home, during the time I lived in Glendale CA. 

My clearest memory of Thanksgiving, is the first year that I moved to Seattle (1979), we went to a friends place in Olympia, WA.  All of us did not have family in Washington, so we decided to bring our owns family traditions to our meal, well to be honest we added some other traditions (beer and pot). At the time, that was typical of my generation. Driving home after that wonderful meal, a wind storm blew in and by the time we got home, most of the area was without power. That day made an impression on me about the importance of gathering with people and having a community meal and having a back up plan if we lost power.

The tradition I brought from my family was my mom's green bean casserole, it has a scratch cheese sauce with red cooking wine mixed in the green beans, before the cheese sauce is added.  It became the next generations favorite side dish also. 

In the 1980's some of my siblings had moved up to Washington and by the early 1990's I had three siblings living close by with their children. For some reason I decided that I would cook Thanksgiving dinner for my kids, my ex husband, husband #2, husband #2 family, my son's grandmother, my two sisters and brothers family. 

No one that I was or am related to was left out. The nieces and nephews had a great time getting together. I loved cooking for the family, it meant a lot to me that we were all together for at least one day each year. 

By the end of the 2000's my kids were grown, one was starting a family of his own, the other one was in the Air Force and not always able to be home. My nieces and nephews were having kids of their own and the family stopped having a group family Thanksgiving dinner. I still made a big Thanksgiving meal no matter how small the gathering was.  I would not take a vacation day the day after the holiday, myself and others would bring in leftovers in and we had a work family community meal. 

In the 2010's I insisted that I made the Thanksgiving dinner each year, even if I was down at my son's house in the Columbia Gorge area. Now I am making Thanksgiving dinner for my husband's family here in Kansas. I still have a glimmer of hope that once the pandemic is over, my kids will be able to come out and I will again be able to cook for them and their family. 

I am grateful for all the people that has crossed my path in my lifetime. Wishing each of you a day filled with love and family! 

Chris teaching my granddaughter the olive tradition.

2020 Thanksgiving Pie Bake Off

My personal challenge was to write a blog each day while I am on vacation this week. Today I struggled to come up with anything interesting to write about. I thought to myself that most days are pretty routine, and this would be a good challenge for me to come up with something to write. So in the spirit of exercising my brain so it does not shrivel up in my old age. I am recording for eternity or when the internet disappears, My 2020 Thanksgiving pie bake off. 

My great great great grandkids might find this blog as they are researching their family history and wonder why I would just write about baking pies when a major pandemic was happening. My answer to those future grandkids is; there will be more natural disasters, pandemics, and other traumatic events that we cannot control. But what we can control is how we think during stressful times.

Thanksgiving for me is my favorite holiday, because this is the week that I reflect on what I am grateful for. I have a lived a pretty good life, I have two wonderful sons, an amazing husband who has made my life so much better, three granddaughter that are stunning, three sisters and one brother still alive, and so many nieces and nephews that I am so proud of and love dearly, I have a roof over my head, and funds to buy food. My health is okay for a soon to be 66 year old. 

The bake off started because we had a couple of items that we wanted to pre-cook for tomorrow's dinner. One was pies and one was green bean casserole.  

We had bought a pumpkin pie from the store just in case the pies we made did not turn out. I choose to make my favorite pecan pie and my husband choose mincemeat pie. 

The very name "mincemeat" sound pretty gross, so I looked up the ingredients and it was mostly fruit with a bit of meat sauce, so I was okay with the mincemeat. My husband bought the jar of mincemeat and made a streusel topping. We bought the pecans and found they were just as expensive as buying a pie from the grocery store. My husband made the dough and we each rolled out our own pie crust and made our fillings. He and I like to do cooking competitions. I knew I would have the inside edge on this competition, I am not aware of anyone who does not like pecan pie. I told him about what I read in my cookbook about cutting a 12" inch square of foil, then folding the foil in four and cutting out a 7" circle to use to cover the crust for the first half of baking. He did not believe me, so I had to show him in the cookbook. Maybe I should not have shared, so he would have had burnt crust!

I rolled my pie crust out first and he thought it was pretty neat that I rolled up the crust on the rolling pin and then unrolled the dough right into the pie pan. His dough looked much better when he rolled it out. He told me that it was because of a job he had working for a pizza place. I got a bit nervous when I saw how nice his dough looked in the pan compared to mine. 

Once we got the crust foiled up, and put the two pies in the oven, we started chatting and waiting for 25 minutes to take the foil off, my husband asked if I set the timer. NOPE I had not and neither had he. Lucky though, I had taken a picture of him putting the pies in the oven and the picture had a time stamp on it. Yippee! 

We had a great time cooking together, and the pies looked like they turned out really good. Tomorrow with be the day we find out if our effort was worth it. 

Three pies for three people! Tomorrow I will post pictures of the entire dinner.

Black and Green Onions

 Anyone that knows me, is well aware that I am not a "morning person". I need at least one hour to drink my coffee and slowly ease into the day. This was probably one of the most frustrating things my mother had to deal with, as I was growing up.

The previous night I stayed up to 2:00 am, talking with a sister about places our ancestors live in Kansas City, MO. Not only was I groggy when I woke at 8 am,  I was also crabby as I lost my "ease into my day" routine. A group text from one of sisters was on my phone, wanting to know if one of us was awake. I live in the central time zone and my three sisters live in the pacific time zone, tag I was it. After I settle in with my first sip of coffee I texted her that I was up. The phone rang immediately, at the same time my husband came down armed with a pen a paper ready to get my shopping list for the last of the Thanksgiving day meal. 

As my brain felt like it was grinding to shift into gear, I found out what she needed and told her that I would call her back after I told my husband what I needed at the grocery store. While I was off the phone with her, my husband sat down, his pen was poised in his hand ready to write. The dense fog in my brain could not be cleared, I gulped another sip of coffee and took a breath, silently praying that my voice would not sound grumpy as I really was, because I was grateful that he was doing the shopping and I did not have to go. 

I scanned my foggy, groggy brain trying to remember what I needed. as the thoughts were swirling around in my head, I reached in and grabbed Turkey, good I thought I have everything I need. Turkey led me down the path to the stuffing, yep I needed everything for the stuffing, bread crumbs, celery, onion, and mushrooms.  I verbalized those four ingredients, then in my mind I saw a can of chicken broth. I asked if we had any in the pantry in the basement, that was a wrong move on my part. As soon as he got up and started looking, he asked a question that sent my brain into a deep vast dark void. He asked if the seasoning packet that we do not use when we make ramen, could be substituted for chicken broth.

Once again there where a tornado of thoughts swirling in my brain. I tried to remember what was in those packets, would it be too salty, would it change the taste of the stuffing?  Now mind you, the thoughts were happening in a nanosecond. My head started to really hurt and I blurted out, "Sure that will be fine."

Checked off stuffing in my mind. Feeling accomplished, I blurted out "Don't forget the green and black onions and the can of you know, the red stuff you like." He looked at me and repeated back "green and black onions?" Yep I said, "you know the before dinner snacks."

I could tell by the tone of his voice, I was going to get a lecture. I thought don't push it with me this morning, I am barely able to be civil. He again said "Green and black onions?" "Yes with pimentos like your mother asked for." I replied. I am staring at him wondering why he is not understanding what I said. I knew I could not remember what the name of the red stuff that he insists on having I figured he would understand it. (As I get older I can see things in my mind, but the name will escape me.) I took a deep breath and really study the can in my mind and finally said Cranberry, the jelly kind.

Some of the tension and pain in my brain released and thought to myself okay, 'I can bluff my way through the rest of the list.' I then said, "I had texted the list to you for the ingredients to make the pecan pie last week." But I had a feeling he was not just going to let me off that easy. Again he said, "Okay you want black and green onions?" I was about to answer him when I caught the word onion. Damn it, damn it I thought, my mind is failing me. Might as well be put out to pasture if I cannot even remember the name of my favorite part of Thanksgiving! I sweetly looked at him and said green and black OLIVES. But I was seething at myself for forgetting and not catching it when he repeated it back to me two times.  

He left for the store and of course the dog was barking loudly, which really echo's in our living room. As soon as the door shut the dog ran to the blinds and used his paws to bend them to see.  My reaction was a loud curse word in the middle of "NO STOP, Shut the %^&* up!" I am sure that my husband heard it as he walked by the window. 

I swallowed my coffee as fast as I could, called my sister back and hearing her voice really felt like a warm hug for me. 

Even though I had a great conversation with my sister, the rest of the day was a wash out. Everything I wanted to get done or do was not accomplished. I couldn't even take a nap because of something my son had texted me about, it ate at me as I wanted to give him my opinion, but my opinions are never received in the intent that I mean. So I struggled to come up with words that I could tell him my concerns, but make it not seem that I was telling him what to do..... 

Lesson learned; stay on bedtime schedule, wake up early enough to ease into my day. 

I Love Graveyards!

Today, after having a scrumptious breakfast at First Watch Restaurant in Fairway, KS, with my mother-in-law and my husband. We decided to take a short drive around where Betty grew up and worked, our first stop was to show her Dick Blick Art supply store on Main street, which is a block south of the Blood Bank where my mother-in-law worked most of her career. As we headed north on Main toward the river market area of Kansas City and crossed over the murky brown Missouri River. With her direction, we found North Kansas City High School built in 1926, which she graduated from in 1960. My mother-in-law was sadden when she saw her grammar school (which was south of the high school) had been turned into a parking lot. 

It started to lightly snow as we headed south back toward Kansas city, we were turning from Gillham RD toward Main street, we caught site of a old cemetery (Union Hill Cemetery, est. 1857), well Chris knew that I would be happy if I could take a look, it was a bit hard to find the entrance as we had to wind around its perimeter, once we found the entrance the site was amazing, we could see family crypts built in to the hill sides, family plots surround by urns or ropes with one tall memorial and several small stones with the names of the individual family members. The leaves at fallen off of most of the trees and the marble headstones engravings had faded, with the light snow falling down it was the most peaceful place.  

My mother-in-law saw all the condos surrounding the cemetery, she was not sure if she would like to live next to a cemetery, but before I chimed in my husband said "Patty always says that living next to a cemetery you will have the best neighbors." I would love to live next to cemetery, it is filled with history, stories of long lost lives and art work from all the headstones.  

I told her, "I thought I was becoming a bad influence over her, dragging her through cemeteries." She said she actually would like to come back when the weather was better and walk through the cemetery, she was fascinated by the older dates on the headstones. I think she is getting use to my fascination with cemeteries and genealogy. 

On the south side of the cemetery there where two large vaults, with the name of Gregg and McGee.  When I approached the McGee vault, I saw at the base of the door someone had drawn a pentagram and placed a penny and rocks on it. In front of the Gregg vault someone (human) pooped by the vault. The pentagram I figured were kids trying to scare each other, but the poop that was beyond me why someone would do that.  As a rookie genealogist, cemetery records are the last impression the world sees of a life that mattered. To have your name carved in stone and someone reads or says your name, your memory is brought back to life once again. 

Once we left the old cemetery, I started my google search, I found out that is the  oldest public cemetery in Kansas City, MO, there are veterans from every war, from the Revolutionary War to the Vietnam War.  Interesting enough are individuals from both sides of the Civil war. 

Wars divided people, but death always brings us together. 

Writers are Mystical Spellbinders

 

Writers are magicians weaving a spell with carefully placed words, causing our minds to awaken our senses to hear, visualize, smell, taste and touch. Their carefully crafted words, transport us to a different time and place, their stories mysteriously intertwined into our own memories.

Words can change our reality. Research shows that positive and optimistic words stimulate frontal lobe activity and the brain's cognitive function. Whereas, negative words can increase activity in our fear center of the brain and release stress producing hormones. 

I was curious to find out if written words have more or less power than the spoken word. 

The spoken word can inspire, but it's vulnerable to your prejudice of the speaker or the tone in which the words heard. The written word, bias are removed and your mind is freed to interpret through your own partiality. 

Research has found that our brains change and develop when we read. Your brain begins to decode a series of abstract symbols and change the results into complex ideas. The same area in your brain is stimulated by reading about something as by experiencing it. 

Reading helps us to let go of the day to day mental chatter, as we immerse in the characters lives, we can learn to be more empathetic to others in real life. 

Writers must create each moment with carefully placed words, to invoke our minds to feel each sentence. I am very envious and yet thankful of writers that have command of the written word.

When I write a email, letter or story I struggle to have my words come alive. 

A typical sentence for me would be, " Sally was tired after work." instead of "Sally rubbed her eyes, her footstep were slow and heavy as she walk out the office door." Our minds are stimulated when we allow them to interpret Sally's movements. 

English was not my strongest subject in school, in fact it was the weakest right along with physical education. Instead of just reading books, I will attempt to carefully dissect each sentence to learn this mysterious craft.  

edit by tannercast

Was it always like this? Schadenfruede- Enjoyment from the suffering of others

 "Trump Jr has COVID". I scanned the comments and there was an overwhelming glee that he had contracted the disease.

Now I get it, you disagree with his fathers job in the White House and personally find anything to do with Trump disdainful. BUT to be happy at another persons suffering, is beyond my understanding. 

I decided to do research on what the major religions have written about taking pleasure in the suffering of others. Maybe it could be interesting to find out if this occurs in nature. 

 I started my Google search of "Enjoying when others are harmed" what came first was was the word "Schadenfruede", which is defined as, "enjoyment obtained from the trouble of others.". There was a study done in Princeton that showed that people are actually biologically responsive to take pleasure in the pain of others. What the hell! This is a real human condition. 

The researchers found that the three driving forces were aggression, rivalry and social justice.

Aggression-based schadenfruede-  Involves group identity, the other groups failure represents a validation that their group is the only correct one and others are not. Wow that really sums up the political climate of today.  Reminds me of a certain German leader and racial discrimination that is still very much alive. 

Rivalry-based schadenfruede- is individualistic and relates to personal competition. It helps people feel better about their personal identity and self-worth. 

I related it to sport teams, the fans are happy when the opposing team loses. It makes sense when its not about an individual persons suffering and its about a group of individuals that are competing against another group for fun.

Justice-base schadenfreude- It is pleasure associated with seeing a "bad" person being harmed or receiving retribution. 

"Justice served.." I understand it, but is it right? 

The synonym I thought best described it was "Gloating" 

So what does religion say about gloating?

Christianity & Judaism- 

Proverbs 24:17-18 

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles, lest the LORD see it and be displeased, and turn away his anger from him (the enemy)- 

Buddhism-

"In whom there is no sympathy for living beings: know him as an outcast" The Buddha.

Islam-

"Deen is Empathy The Messenger of Allah said, "Do not express pleasure at the misfortune of a (Muslim) brother lets Allah should bestow mercy upon and make you suffer from a misfortune."

Hinduism-

"When a person responds to the joys and sorrows of others as if they were his own, he has attained the highest stat of spiritual union." Bhagavad Gita 6.32

Since this is a human condition that we are preprogrammed to feel, selfishly I would say "If you do not have empathy for the suffering of others, Karma is a bitch!" What is Karma? Is not karma a life lesson teaching us about compassion, understanding and empathy? 

So back to Jr, what life lesson would he have learned from contracting the virus? He would not learn about the suffering of the poor who cannot get medical treatment. Covid is an equal opportunity virus, it attacks with no regard to sex, race, age or economic status, maybe he thought he was not vulnerable due to his age, race or economic status. 

May last research was about animals taking pleasure in the suffering of other animals. When I google the question, the first site was "Do animals have sex for pleasure". Nope I thought, "that was not what I was looking for!" I could not find anything that said they do gloat over the suffering of other animals. But I did find that they do show empathy and compassion for each other. If they do not need to be taught empathy and compassion are the enlightened? 

My moral dilemma is, "Should I have empathy for those that are enjoying the suffering of others? Or gloat that punishment for their lack of empathy will be served?"

I think I know the answer... 

Honestly, I do not always have empathy for person or situation, but I know I need to strive to gain understanding and compassion for any creature who is suffering.